speaks without thinking
"...the pen is mightier than the sword."
-Edward George Bulwer Zytton
my senior year of college, my 4 roommates and i had a big piece of posterboard in the kitchen. on it we wrote just some of the many funny things (out of context of course) we said throughout the school year. i can only remember a few of them including "i'd rather be myself than not be myself" (lyndsey), "my sister is a hot ball" (kara) and "my body is a wonderland" (sarah m.). the most accurate quote of all was "my indian name would be speaks without thinking" (me).
the first time i even said "speaks without thinking" i remember everyone around me looking at me like a light bulb just turned on in their heads. i've always known i talk alot, but this was a moment of clarity for me.
sometimes i could feel the words bubble up inside me and thought i would explode if they didn't come out. in the movie mean girls, they call it word vomit. gross, but accurate-- it was gonna come up whether or not you wanted it to. these words have hurt more people in my life than i care to think about.
the filter which now exists between my brain and the outside world was built by the years of word vomit. years of telling my family and friends things i don't even really mean except in that moment, strings of words which can cut a relationship to shreds.
-Edward George Bulwer Zytton
my senior year of college, my 4 roommates and i had a big piece of posterboard in the kitchen. on it we wrote just some of the many funny things (out of context of course) we said throughout the school year. i can only remember a few of them including "i'd rather be myself than not be myself" (lyndsey), "my sister is a hot ball" (kara) and "my body is a wonderland" (sarah m.). the most accurate quote of all was "my indian name would be speaks without thinking" (me).
the first time i even said "speaks without thinking" i remember everyone around me looking at me like a light bulb just turned on in their heads. i've always known i talk alot, but this was a moment of clarity for me.
sometimes i could feel the words bubble up inside me and thought i would explode if they didn't come out. in the movie mean girls, they call it word vomit. gross, but accurate-- it was gonna come up whether or not you wanted it to. these words have hurt more people in my life than i care to think about.
the filter which now exists between my brain and the outside world was built by the years of word vomit. years of telling my family and friends things i don't even really mean except in that moment, strings of words which can cut a relationship to shreds.
Labels: on me
posted by erika @ 12:34 PM
3 Comments:
At 1:06 PM,
Shocho said…
Pfft. Talking. Why is this such a crime? I have gotten in trouble for talking since I was born. Grade school, junior high, high school, college... oh wait, not at college. In the workplace too.
It's the "seven-second delay" that Ally McBeal said she didn't have, that's the thing you need to have to exist in polite society, I guess. Tact is not a Shocho family trait. I leave you with two quotes:
"Tact is for weenies." --Garfield the Cat
"Tact is just not saying true things. I'll pass." --Cordelia Chase, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I could tell you the story of how Native American children get their names, but it's rather vulgar.
At 5:34 PM,
Anonymous said…
"Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." - Walter Anderson
At 9:33 AM,
thisismarcus said…
I agree with Shocho about polite society, (read: social skills). Unfortunately, it's when you're with your nearest and dearest that you're relaxed, your guard is down and more things tend to slip out. ("You" in the general "you", not meaning you specifically, Erika.)
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