pretty much full of shit.

[after some adult beverages]

me: i think i have a sunburn on my belly button. who gets a sunburn on their belly button?
brad: you do. [pause] also, napoleon. i think napoleon got a sunburn on his belly button when he was in exile on that island. what was that island called?
me: umm... melba, i think. the isle of melba.
brad: yeah, the island of melba, off the coast of france.
eve: melba, like the toast?
brad: i don't know, but i do know napoleon got a sunburn on his belly button.

[end drunk historical conversation.]

at least, i think that's how that went.

i prefer...

~my chicken fried.
~my politics liberal.
~my sugar real.
~my tea sweet.
~my fries salty.
~my summers hot.
~my hair blonde.
~my windows open.
~my family close.
~my friends saucy.
~my chips with queso.
~my ice cream strawberry.
~my coffee hot.
~my cat purring.
~my roommate laughing.
~my naps long.

this morning i woke up and did not go to work.

it's the first time, but won't be the last.

when the new boss (formerly the old boss) walked in with the envelopes i said motherfucker. he said yep. he was far more shaken than i was.

and then i began my new occupation as beach bum. the most awkward part of that day? the people who laid me off showing up at the bar. no, not t.n.b.(f.t.o.b.), not the former co-workers, not the HR lovely.

does she really like me or is she just faking it? why bother anymore? oh, right. it must be the deep and genuine care for others. that must be it. i forgot.

during My Unfortunate Unemployment i thought i might:

• read a ridiculous number of books.
  
• work on my suntan.
  
• watch a netflix dvd a day.
  
• clean the house.
  
• take at least one nap a day.
  
• watch the ellen degeneres show.
  
• re-watch the entire first season of the oc. i need to know what grade they're in.
  
• find a new, fabulous job.
  

i am spoiled. my parents spoiled (read: still spoil) me, my friends spoil me, and i spoil myself. when i got this job, i bought myself a (read: two) designer purse. and some editor pants. any suggestions for when i get my new, fabulous job?

this was me yesterday.

please note: yesterday was NOT twin day.
this is me today. somebody cut breadhouse OFF of the MOblogging.

quote of the day: goga in politics.

"maybe it's a secret fantasy of girl-on-girl action that makes ed klein obsess about senator hillary clinton's supposed lesbian ethos."

-tina brown.

i love this guy.

barack obama is cool. maybe i like him because he's cute, maybe i like him because he seems like he has common sense,maybe i like him because hearing the news of his election in november gave me back a little of the hope i'd lost. i don't know. but thank goodness for barack obama.

it was a good day.

You entered: 11/2/1981

You were born on a Monday
under the astrological sign Scorpio.
Your Life path number is 5.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2444910.5.
The golden number for 1981 is 6.
The epact number for 1981 is 24.
The year 1981 was not a leap year.

As of 6/22/2005 1:43:41 PM CDT
You are 23 years old.
You are 283 months old.
You are 1,233 weeks old.
You are 8,633 days old.
You are 207,205 hours old.
You are 12,432,343 minutes old.
You are 745,940,621 seconds old.

There are 133 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 24 candles on it.

Those 24 candles produce 24 BTU's,
or 6,048 calories of heat (that's only 6.0480 food Calories!) .
You can boil 2.74 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birthstone is Citrine
The Mystical properties of Citrine
Citrine is said to help one connect with Spirit.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewlers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Yellow Topaz, Pearl, Diamond

Your birth tree is
Walnut Tree, the Passion

Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises.

There are 186 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you were born was waxing crescent.

give it a try.

sometimes i think too much.

some events have transpired in the past couple days to make me think about things i've never done and things i will never do again.

• i've never been skiing. (i don't like the snow, i don't like the cold and i don't like heights.)
  
• i will never again pass up free exercise equipment.
  
• i've never owned an elliptical or a treadmill.
  
• i will never again order the collard greens at d'egg. you heard it here first.
  
• i've never watched an episode of survivor.
  
• i will never again allow myself to become addicted to a season of the bachelor or the bachelorette.
  
• i've never turned down a burrito run.
  
• i will never again fix up two friends as roommates.
  
• i've never fixed two friends up on a date.
  
• i will never again be a member of a cult.
  
• i've never been to california.
  
• i will never again let my work influence my real life this much.
  
• i've never held a job for longer than a year. before this job, my record was 5 months.
  
• i will never again become this stuck in my own inertia.
  
• i've never liked cranberry juice. or cabbage. or celery (except with peanut butter). or lima beans.
  
• i will never again have a job where i can make my boss cry.
  
• i've never been as obsessed with any singer as i was with tori amos when i was in high school.
  
• i will never again have a job where my boss makes me want to cry.
  
• i've never been to canada. or mexico.
  
• i will never again let time run away from me.
  
• i've never wanted to be the oldest or middle or only child.
  
• i will never again live any place where i have to share a bathroom.
  
• i've never had enough hangers or closet space.
  
• i will never again buy a knockoff designer purse.
  
• i've never felt so adrift.
  

white oleander

what did i do before i had netflix? i guess i missed out on awesome things like the entire series of wonderfalls and nostalgic things like anne of green gables.

last night hotcop and i watched white oleander. i'm about to say something about this movie which i don't think i've ever said about any movie (even anne, although it was close): it was as good as the book. sure, there were things which they left out (the foster home where astrid almost starves to death) and things which they changed (ingrid was actually a poet, not an artist). but HOLY CRAP. i mean, seriously. michelle pfeiffer really can play "the most beautiful woman i've ever seen... the most beautiful woman most people have ever seen. she was also the most dangerous." the mother, like the flower, was just so beautiful, but just so poisonous to anyone who got too close.

i think it really confirms a thought i've had for a long time: there is no relationship more fascinating than the mother/daughter relationship. yes, it's more fascinating than a male/female relationship, more fascinating than a father/daughter relationship, and more fascinating than a father/son relationship. even more fascinating than siblings or girlfriends. there is an unparalleled sense of expectation and urgency between a mother and a daughter. the mother sees the daughter as her second chance, the daughter doesn't want to be like the mother at all; yet wants to please her more than anything.

my own mother and i didn't start really getting along until i went away to college. the intensity of our aversion to each other really came to a head my junior year of high school: she would do things like not get off the computer when i needed to do homework, and i would do things like tell her to shut up. i told my mother to shut up. i cannot even imagine what i would do if i'd had me for a daughter. smacked me. taken away my car. i mean, i got good grades, didn't do drugs, didn't get arrested, but i sure could make my mother feel bad about herself. thank goodness i grew up or something by senior year, because i don't think either of us could have taken much more of it. i've never fought with anyone more than i've fought with my mother.

no daughters for me, thanks.

enabled.

oh, but it was fun.

happy father's day

blue pajamas with feet
and
prayers at night.

now i lay me down to listen
and
love the man who
sings me to sleep
with his silly songs.

some photos from colorado.

my cousin got married by this stream.

but first we gave her a make-over

then we all tried to pose together, but acted crazy instead.

just one of the boys.

i would say i was "breaking the gender barrier," but the truth is, i made my list long before hollywood did.

the 10, alphabetized by last name:

• Adam Brody
  
• 50 Cent
  
• Colin Farrell
  
• Angelina Jolie
  
• Jude Law
  
• Matthew McConaughey
  
• Clive Owen
  
• Brad Pitt
  
• Justin Timberlake
  
• Jay-Z
  

also considered, alphabetized by last name:

Harry Connick, Jr.
LL Cool J
John Cusack
Josh Duhamel
Eminem
Nick Lachey
Jennifer Lopez
Ewan McGregor
River Phoenix

for shocho:

News: Anderson Cooper
Sports: Tom Brady/ Dale Earnhardt, Jr.
Politics: Prince William
MTV Personality: Gideon Yago.

my new favorite word.

callipygian.

thanks anna by way of justin. quality.

june 14, 2005

happy birthday, ck!

happy flag day, americans!

today is my one year anniversary at The Company. who knew?

a year of crazy gamers, days in the tank, laughing til my sides hurt, pissing people off, being pissed off and just plain old chaos.

a year of hollywood, kosmo, breadhouse, two scoop (cheese), eagle eye, one time and air force.

a year of chili's, let's go get a drink, meatloaf, moe's for lunch, noodles and soup. oh and the chips. so.many.chips.

still better than making triptiks?

on my trip to colorado.

as it turns out, my relatives are crazy. i guess that's no surprise. i mean, they are my relatives. have you met me??

some thoughts on the weekend.

• xm radio is addicting. 60's, 70's, popular classical, top 40- it's all there.
  
• sleeping on the floor sucks, no matter how tired you are. even if it's 4 am your body time.
  
• serving sloppy joes at a wedding = brave.
  
• there is no taco bell in the minneapolis/st. paul airport. in fact, i had no airport taco bell all weekend. i love taco bell in the airport.
  
• i am a city girl. we drove by some horses in a field and i exclaimed, "look! that horse is pooping!" my aunt said, "why, yes he is." my family may be crazy, but at least they are polite.
  
• i love the smell of cows in the morning (ONLY morning). cousin christy says they used to say it was the smell of prosperity. not so much any more.
  
• the sky is bluer in colorado. and you can see the stars.
  
• i am not an airplane talker. i didn't even talk to my mother when i sat next to her.
  
• bonnevilles are grandma cars.
  
• never talk about UTI's when you are supposed to be navigating. you'll probably miss that left turn on to 1st st, even if it is a major intersection.
  
• they DO sell alcohol in colorado, despite the fact my mother refuses to buy it while we're there. i love me a good salty margarita.
  
• my mother, aunt, uncle and cousins can actually have real conversations in spanish. with native spanish speakers.
  
• beans+sister=enough poots to clear a room. or at least make me giggle.
  
• "poot" is a funny word. not as funny as "flotation," however. why isn't it "floation"? or at the very least "floatation"? floation sounds like a type of fish.
  
• people in colorado are very friendly.
  
• turns out i like the mountains.
  
• pre-nups are not just for celebrities anymore.
  
• astroglide is better than ky jelly. ky is too sticky. this according to my cousin who announced it to my mother and me in the middle of her kitchen. it just makes it better. oh heavens.
  
• even men color their gray hair.
  
• even non-girly women can turn girly on their wedding day.
  
• it is possible to give someone a makeover next to a mountain stream.
  
• i am in no way, shape or form ready for marriage. or kids. yikes. despite the fact my sisters and i were asked many, many times when we would be all together in VA for a wedding.
  
• as it turns out, my family is crazy.

i may have the most beautiful best friend in the entire world.

do you think?

weird day.

what now, bitch? tell me i can't play soccer again. i ain't scared.



i drew this without looking. it's beatrice.
as a stress reliever.
after i ran a pointless errand.
they could've just asked me the question.
i knew the answer.
at least i got to see alicia.

quotes of the day.

"arkansas is not north korea."

-heard on morning edition

"the world is your oyster. eat it raw."

-gene weingarten

two republicans and a lactose-intolerant vegetarian.

john jacob jingleheimer schmidt
his name is my name, too.

whenever we go out
the people always shout
there goes john jacob jingleheimer schmidt!

dah dah dah...

hotcop (nafta) and i generally do not talk about politics. it's a method of friendship-defense.

there is not a lot else we won't talk about, even in the presence of people we just met. just ask the choice, the aussie and breadhouse (AND vin diesel even though he won't admit it).

joe's list

helen keller
liquid paper
bean counter (maybe a little unfair)
MSG
hawker (at this point, i was just looking for stuff)
weave
ginger snap
thyme
christy brinkley
wicker

at the gw market:

cashier: ya'll got kids?
erika: no... god, no.
joe: yeah, they're back at the office.

during episode III, random scene with yoda and chewbacca:

joe: i didn't know yoda and chewie went back like lawn chairs. <pause> way back.

to the pants!

last night air force, alicia and i saw the sisterhood of the traveling pants. so cute, oh so cute! it is also a series of books. i broke erika movie rule #1 by not reading them before i saw the movie. (i didn't even do that with harry potter! i just started hp #5 last night. i read numbers 1-4 all in a row last fall and had to take a break).

some thoughts:

1. joe's right. alexis bledel is very cute. she has maybe the prettiest blue eyes ever. her greek boyfriend in the movie wasn't too bad either.

2. chick flick, through and through. i love chick flicks.

3. i want to see real women have curves again. america ferrera kicks ass.

4. ok, so it's unlikely a pair of pants would fit 4 very different girls perfectly. it's what they symbolize.

5. i miss my girlfriends. there is no feeling as secure as couching it in jammies with your two best friends on either side.

hair envy

kate hudson has maybe the best hair ever. curly or straight. think she gets it from her dad?