my brain is thinking in lists.

• My house is chock full of stuff for my Yard Sale this weekend. Yall really came through for me!
  
• I start my job on Monday. No, I'm not going to talk about it.
  
• All the yard sale leftovers will be donated to the Disabled American Veterans.
  
• I'm nervous no one will show up.
  
• I can't wait to cook out tonight.
  
• Beatrice and Mean Ol' Sandy are loving crawling all over the new boxes, chairs and tables filling up my kitchen, living room, bedroom, hallway and screened porch.
  
• I have no idea how much stuff should cost.
  
• Having flowers delivered is much better than taking them yourself.
  
• Coldplay is awesome live. The Virginia Beach Amphitheater is not the best venue though.
  
• Next time I go to a job interview I'm going to answer the questions the same way Chief Justice John Roberts did... maybe then I'll get THE BEST JOB IN MY FIELD.
  -Well, Erika, why don't you describe your past experience...
  -Actually I don't think my past experience and decisions are relevant to my ability to do this job. Thanks.
  

what about reducing the number of hypocritcal bigots?

"I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down."

That's former Education Secretary William J. Bennett, ladies and gentlemen. Read his comments in context here but, believe me, it doesn't really make it better.

no, your Lincoln Continental is NOT a compact car.

Just because you do not drive an SUV, America, does NOT mean you drive a compact car.

Which means you cannot park in the spaces marked COMPACT in the parking garage.

Please note the difference:

bitter-- but only for a second.

re·gress
v. re·gressed, re·gress·ing, re·gress·es
v. intr.

• To go back; move backward.
  
• To return to a previous, usually worse or less developed state.
  
• To have a tendency to approach or go back to a statistical mean.

independent erika.

This was a really good post with lots of fabulous links and clever language. Then I clicked "post" and it disappeared. SPORK!

I described how I was in no way responsible for the chaos which ensued on Saturday evening.

They lured me with promises of whiskey and movies. It's especially wrong because she knows my weaknesses all too well.



There was a horny melon. It's actually called a horned melon, I think, but somehow its name got changed. It's described as having the "consistency of Jello and the taste of a cucumber." Jello? Check. Cucumber? Not so much, but it did taste green.

It doesn't take much to entertain me (read: make me laugh hysterically). Potential lazy eyes, remote love and drinking a little are really all it takes.

Oh, and Becky.

let's go to the wine festival!

Who's in? I'm serious... this will not be a bust like the beer fest. We need four (4) or eight (8) for a table. C'mon... includes free souvenir glass!

comfort food.

Why is comfort food so well, comforting? I used to think it was because it was something I'd eaten alot as a child: Spanish rice, ham & apples, macaroni & cheese and the biggie for me: CEREAL.

Tonight I was comforted by a dish my sister taught me: a bowl of pasta topped with butter, garlic powder (NOT salt), regular salt and parm cheese. Well, I only had a sliver of butter so I made up for it with some extra virgin olive oil. That's EVOO to Rachel Ray on The Food Network (aka my porn). And I used grated pecorino romano cheese instead of parm but it was SO GOOD.

I could never give up carbs. Never live my life without bread, pasta, potatoes, fruit or, heaven forbid, sugar. I like bite size pasta (penne or rotini) better than noodles (spaghettii or fettucini). Farfalle (Italian for butterflies) are my favorite. At restaurants, I always fill up on bread before my meal comes.

Melt some cheese between two pieces of bread for me and I'm yours. Add a little salt and some tomato slices and you won't get rid of me. Ever.

In our house, when there's absolutely no other food in the fridge there's ALWAYS cheese. Here are a few currently living in my cheese drawer: Pecorino Romano, white American, pepper jack, extra sharp white cheddar, those spreadable Swiss wedges (can't think of the name), grated mozzarella, grated Mexican blend, feta, garlic herb goat cheese, and that's without even looking (trust me). Cheese makes everything better. Didn't your mother ever melt cheese on [insert random vegetable here] to get you to eat it? In Italy they eat cheese with fruit- pears and pecorino is my favorite. Cheese and crackers.

Good for comfort and to help the kid "buck up."

photos are up.

From last Thursday. Click here to browse or just check out the highlights...

Some people had a really good time.

Some people talked to ladies the whole night.

Some people had a birthday.

Some people caused trouble.

free falling.

Worse (better?) than the actual ride part of an amusement park ride, I think, is the anticipation of it. This was certainly true of Drop Zone at Paramount's Kings Dominion.

It sells itself as "...the largest drop ride in North America, a 305-foot tower of thrills that promises daring riders a 272-foot descent at 72 miles-per-hour!" For me, it was practically a 305-foot anxiety attack. Joe laughed on the way up and I yelled at him to stop- I was too scared and needed to be able to hear myself repeating, "I'm going to be fine, I'm going to be fine."

The ride itself is so short, you hardly have time to notice it. Just as I started to think "WHAT THE HELL DID I GET MYSELF INTO??" the ride was over. Just like that, they put on the brakes.

I think my life is in a free fall right now. It's out of my control; I'm searching to find the brakes but the handle seems just out of reach.

marcus.

Today Marcus officially gets the boot from our country. Lovely. If you know anything about Marcus and me, you know we've had our ups and downs. And ups and downs.
And ups. And downs.

I was so relieved to find a fellow movie talker when I went on my first office expedition to see SpiderMan 2 on opening day last summer. He also gave me all of the geek knowledge I lacked.

The first and only time we went to Jack Quinn's for a drink was also the first time we had an actual conversation, I think. That was back when my job was bo-ring. We compared notes on members of the opposite sex (the Celery Stick and L) and decided relationships (quasi- or otherwise) were lame.

Then there were many ventures to the record store or the coffee cart for the afternoon caffeine fix. Random Saturday nights at WonderBar, Scotty Quixx, Guadalajara. Lunches at Hell's Kitchen or noodles. British comedy. Random email conversations. Trips to Best Buy, even when particularly large electronic purchases did not fit in my compact sedan. Rebounding. The most uncomfortable, and yet liberating, return flight of my life. More WonderBar, British comedy and general debauchery.

Unless you want to lose an arm, don't try to take away Marcus' coffee, nicotine, 7 or DVD player.

Last night it was a reunion of all the old folks, with one or two newer ones thrown in, as we all said "see you later" to Marcus. Pictures to come later, when they've been approved by certain married straight men. And once Breadhouse has Photoshop'd me into looking more pretty and less inebriated. It was a night fitting of Marcus, I think, with much whiskey consumed and nerd-burglaring accomplished.

As fun as it was, though, I was glad to have some time with him alone (though still drunk) on Monday, with my three boys Tuesday and early last night(although for it to really be like old times we should've had Hard Hat there) and will be honored to have the last goodbye this afternoon.

We will start your personal Seagram's 7 delivery service soon, I promise, M.

season 2 [or 3] continues.

Despite some particularly chatty audience members... and Marcus' imminent departure weighing on my mind... I was able to enjoy last night's episode.

1. Are you freakin' serious? I thought they explored lesbianism AND infidelity last season. Well, I guess they didn't explore them together. And Kirsten didn't make out with anyone last year.

2. I wish Ryan had hit the stupid school safety guy more than once. Then it would be worth it for him to get expelled.

3. I love how Julie Cooper-Nichol and Jimmy are each using the other for money. Which, I'm calling it now, NEITHER ONE of them are going to end up having.

4. One of the best interactions of the episode:

Julie: Looks like Marissa showed the new dean a side of her personality she usually reserves for me.
Jimmy: That bad, huh?

Not all that funny on it's own... but if you know the history...

5. Marissa has no remorse, or PTSD, or anything. I wonder if they will take this opportunity to make her violent.

Some lingering questions: Despite the beliefs of those around me, I'm not 100% convinced Charlotte only wants Kirsten for her body. I think there's more of a history there. Where will Marissa and Ryan end up for school? Wouldn't it be great for them to go to -gasp- PUBLIC SCHOOL?? In Chino!

Sethesque Quip of the Week: "She's like the Karl Rove of our school!" (Summer)

thanks.

Some people really know how to make a girl's day. Or month.

Selling Out

As Marcus mentioned, I've decided to use my large collection of stuff to the benefit of others.

If you have anything to donate to my Yard Sale to Benefit the Victims of Hurricane Katrina please leave a message here or email me-- [first initial][last name]@yahoo.com. If you live in the Hampton Roads area, I'll be more than happy to come pick it up.

All monies donated to The Lutheran Disaster Response.

The leftover items will be donated to the Salvation Army.

More details to come.

who is this guy?

Same asshole, different day.

Dude: Erika, has [Random Phone Repair Guy] been here?
Me: Uhh...
Dude: Oh, you don't know who [Random Phone Repair Guy] is? [He looks down and sees my 7-11 coffee] Oh, that is so yuppie! Starbucks coffee...
Me: It's 7-11 coffee.
Dude: Close enough. It's what all the kids are drinking these days.

I thought people like this only existed in movies. Condescending, sexist, stereotyping jackasses who are confident they know you based on extremely limited interaction.

Oh wait-- now I remember some of the customers at my old job.

the picture is a little blurry.

...but I think I've made my sentiments clear.

temp job.

(not with breadhouse... )

random conversation with IT Manager:

Dude: What did you go to school for?
Me: Art History.
Dude: Ohhh, liberal arts. Kind of girlie. When I was in school it was like "Oh, liberal arts? Do I look like a girlie?"

Then, later in the same conversation...

Dude: Yeah, my sister used to model wedding dresses. She was pretty cute, for a girl.

Weddings are for women. When was the last time you heard a bunch of men standing around talking about wedding dresses and planning a wedding?

Men don't talk about our feelings and we don't cry.

Me: Oh, is that how that works?

Dude (backpedaling): Oh, uh, I don't know if that's so much how that works as what society teaches us.

Me (internally): Yeah, ok, jackass. I don't want to talk to you anymore. Stop ear fucking me and go get some goddamn lunch. I've got phones to answer. And, btw, have you EVER had a conversation with a female co-worker?

long lost friends.

Yesterday and today have given me glimpses into the lives of people I never thought I'd see again.

Drea was one of my best friends when I was studying abroad (yes, I am already a broad). I always thought she looked like a blonde version of Charlotte from Sex and the City. As our semester ended, Drea warned us she was really bad about keeping in touch and once basketball season begans she would probably go AWOL. I guess we didn't understand just how bad she would be at keeping in touch, even with Madalyn, her Florence roommate and Jen, who went to Colby College with her. After we graduated school, I know she did Teach for America, I think in Texas. Now, she still sends mass emails to my old, non-functioning email address (erika_the_peach :-)) but Madalyn fowards them to Jen and me. Drea has a new blog about her adventures sailing around the world and teaching some rich kids.

It always made me sad she couldn't be bothered to keep in touch with us. Jen, Madalyn and I have had two reunions- one in Seattle and one in Chicago, and try to email pretty regularly and Drea hardly even bothered to call or write.


The other story is much happier. My good friend Alden from high school is engaged to this lovely lady named Latrice. Alden was always the leader in our slum group. In AP English class senior year, he organized the "answer sharing" on our practice exams. Alden, Byron, Melinda, Taneka and I divided up the 50 multiple choice questions and went to work. Now, these weren't "for a grade" so it wasn't exactly cheating. But if my public school had an Honor Code it would have been a violation, I'm sure.

Alden also had the HAs (Home Alones) at his house most often. His brother, our alcohol supplier, used to tell me he was quite confident the world would end at the year 2000. One time in particular I remember because we thought we heard Alden's parents come home... the brother organized everyone grabbing anything that looked like alcohol and throwing it over the fence in the back yard. Turned out it wasn't the parents.

Makes me wonder, of my friends now, who will stick and who will become long lost. Especially with all the changes in the lives of those around me.

new school year.

Sunday School started again yesterday. HotCop and I share the teaching duties of the Middle School (6th, 7th and 8th Grades) class at the church in which we grew up.

Middle School, Marcus once pointed out, is just the right age not to notice when I'm hung over when class starts at 9:45 every Sunday morning. They are also the right age to entertain themselves whilst I drink copious amounts of coffee and water. The kids can't tell when I'm recovering from too much 7&7, but my mom always can.

This is the third year we've taught this class. The first year, we had four lovely girls who are the reason we taught the next year. Neither of us were keen on doing it again; but apparently you have to actually resign your post. We thought they'd just ask us and we could say "No, thanks." The 7th grade boy, 6th grade boy and two 6th grad girls we have this year all seem pretty nice. The 6th grade boy has reached his "I just learned what sarcasm was" stage, but it can be regulated with some standard-issue Stern Teacher Looks. Middle school is just the worst time for kids. Gosh, I hated it.

It's gonna be another year of Fun Craft Activities, "Why can't we watch Veggie Tales?(We always promise to bring in the more age-appropriate and far more boring Bible movies. That makes the kids cringe) and long Sunday afternoon naps.

season premiere!

The season has started again! Thank goodness the summer was short. Some thoughts on the first episode of Season 3:

1. New hair all around; Seth, Ryan and Summer shorter, Marissa longer. Quality.

2. What was WITH the same 4 commercials OVER and OVER??

3. OK, is it me, or would it REALLY take the foursome THAT LONG to pack some shit and make it to Marissa's dad's boat? I mean, they WERE on the run from the law!

4. Not only did 7 of 9 make her debut as the new character, Seth referred to the DA as "The Dark Lord Sauron." I felt like I was back at my old job...

5. Thank goodness Julie Cooper-Nichol is still nuts, and doing crazy things for her daughter. Makes me think back to good ol' Season 1.

Some lingering questions: What is Jeri Ryan's game? Is she hot for Kirsten? Did Kirsten meet someone in rehab? Is that the last we'll see of Trey? When did Ryan start making jokes?

Seth Quip of the Week: "Well, I guess you just have a weakness for seamen."

don't call me tonight.

At least between 8 and 9 pm EST. Unless you call during the commercials to discuss what just happened.

i didn't really need anything else.

But here is another reason that proves Wal-mart sucks...

Most businesses on the Gulf Coast are giving their employees two weeks' worth of pay. In most cases, there isn't even a place to go to work.

In fact, Harrah's is giving their employees 90 days' worth of pay, and paying their health insurance premiums.

Wal-mart (where, if you'll note, most workers are paid BELOW THE POVERTY LINE) is just giving the three days' worth of pay. From the most profitable retailer in the country. Nice.

still here.

Not really a whole lot going on... but I'm busy.

Trying not to drive anywhere.

More time with the Auxiliary Squad.

A whole lotta talking about employment, but not so much procuring it.

Sisters home this holiday weekend-- time for the beach!